High Hopes
by missyme48
Summary: An episode tag to Midnight Train to Kingston. A bit late I know but I hope you like it.


_Ok so I know this kind of late but it took me forever to figure this out. It started out as multi chapter fic but after working out a lot of kinks and characterisation problems this is the finished result. So without further ado here is my episode tag for Midnight Train to Kingston._

Julia walked behind him and watched every laboured step. Blood still trickled from the gash behind his ear and he kept gingerly touching his ribs. She had never understood why people did that, why they insisted on poking at things they knew were going to hurt them. She supposed it was the same reason people insisted on chasing ghosts; and she knew that William was going to be chasing that ghost until he saw it dead. She guessed he didn't realise just how hard it was to kill a ghost; and that's what Gillies was now; he had to be.

Julia gently touched his shoulder and wiped away the trail of blood that was snaking down his neck. She put one of his arms around her shoulders, wrapped one of hers around his waist and felt him shift his weight on to her. They walked back slowly in a way that would have made her feel safe in any other circumstance. Now, it just made her realise how broken he really was.

She lifted herself onto the train and managed to lift him on too. His arm snaked around her waist to stop them from falling and for a few seconds they were impossibly close. She disentangled herself and told William to wait in the bar car while she went to get the medical bag. When she got back, he had lowered himself to sit across from Gillies had and she knew it had begun; the slow descend into an addiction fuelled by not having closure.

Julia placed the medical bag beside him on the chair and started cleaning up his head wound again. She took the needle and thread and brought it over to the bar. She grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the shelf and a glass from under the counter. Holding the threaded needle over the glass she poured the best part of half a bottle of whiskey over it. She checked for ice to numb the skin around the cut but found none. She walked back over and stood in between his legs.

"This is going to hurt quite a bit," she told him and steadied his head. William reached out and grabbed a handful of her skirts. Taking a deep breath she began.

_Julia sat with Sadie Hopkins' shoulder leaning against hers. The Inspector was overseeing the movement of the prisoners and George was gone. She brought her hand up to bite her thumb nail but stopped herself; it was a horrible habit. The curtain opened and a doctor who was travelling on the train came in._

"_I'm presuming this is the patient," he asked. Julia nodded and handed Ms. Hopkins over to him. The train car fell into silence once the prisoners were gone but no-one wanted to break it. She heard footsteps climb on board and looked up hoping to see William. It was George instead, who was trying to hide the worry on his face. He took the Inspector aside and said something in to his ear._

"_Bloody hell."_

_Julia stood up. "Inspector, what's happened?"_

_They both looked at her and she quickly sat back down_

Fresh tears brimmed in his eyes as she pulled the thread through layers of skin and he let out another whimper. She hated suturing people but it was a necessary evil. She pulled it through one last time and tied it off. She wrapped the needle in her handkerchief and bandaged up the sutured wound. He released the white knuckle grip he had on her skirts and held on to the seat instead.

"I'm going to lift your shirt and have a listen to your breathing."

He nodded and inched forward. She lifted his undershirt gently by the hem and started tapping his back, listening to the hollow sound of his lungs.

_Julia stood on the railway bridge and stared down in to the water. She was looking -hoping- for any sign that he was alive but it was hopeless. A range of emotions flooded through her veins; anger, fear, dread, hopelessness. How could he have been so stupid? What did he hope to achieve by jumping off a bridge after Gillies? All it did was help to fulfil Gillies plan to destroy them. She laughed to herself; maybe this what Gillies meant when he said he wasn't done with her yet. Someone placed a jacket around her shoulders and she allowed herself to be lead back to the train feeling as in control as a piece of paper in the wind._

The whiskey bottle shattered on the ground and the Inspector let out a curse word as the orange/brown liquid spread across the carpet. William and Julia looked up at the same time to see the Inspector taking another bottle and a glass before leaving. They sat across from each other. Julia sat where Gillies had; the mere thought he had sat there enough to make her skin crawl but she was making a point. One that she knew William would not fail to miss.

"Julia, I know you believe he's gone," he said and Julia nodded her head. She had to; she had come to close to death too many times to ever let anyone dictate her life, much less her own fear of the unknown. "But…."

"You can't," she finished softly. William nodded and dropped his eyes. She could hear the cogs in his mind turning and she knew he retreated to that place in his mind she always failed to reach; his own little sanctuary. She leaned forward on the seat and took one of his hands in hers and gave him a soft smile. "James Gillies won't have a hold over you forever, William. Until we have evidence that proves otherwise we must live our lives."

"Isn't there even a little part of you that's scared he may still be out there?"

"Of course there is. It's irrational I know because for that to be true he'd have had to completely cheat the laws of physics and I don't think that happens twice in one night," she added with a playful tone in her voice. He gave a short laugh before his ribs began protesting and she smiled.

"Julia, I know you probably don't want an apology but I am sorry. I shouldn't have done that you."

_Julia sat on the embankment near the train and stared up at the sky. There were stars everywhere but the sense of awe she usually got when she saw them never came. Her jacket did nothing to keep the night's icy fingers but she didn't mind as she absentmindedly pulled up the grass that surrounded her. She had cried herself dry and now all she felt was dull ache, one that resided just below the surface of being painful; like an itch she couldn't scratch. She laid back and counted stars until the night enveloped her._

Julia nodded and blinked back the tears. He was right; she didn't want an apology but not because she didn't think they didn't work but because he didn't really know what he was apologising for. He never would though, would he? He would never understand the worry and the pain and despair but she hadn't understood it either. When had she gotten in this deep? When George had told her what had happened she had felt like she was back in that coffin again; scared and alone.

"You shouldn't fall asleep," she told him, standing up. "I'll send someone in to keep an eye on you."

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No, I'm just going to return the medical bag to Doctor Hopper. I'll be back to change your bandages before we stop at Kingston."

William knew returning the bag wasn't her main reason for leaving but he didn't say anything; there was nothing he could say. He nodded and watched her leave.

She came back forty minutes later. George was telling him a story about his aunt Begonia but the constable didn't seem to realise he was the only one enjoying it; the whole time he'd been talking William had been thinking about Julia and how they still had so much left to talk about. Relief washed over him when he saw her emerge from behind the curtain and relieve George of his duties. She gently lifted up his bandaged arm and began undoing the dressing. She wrapped the use bandage in another handkerchief and put on a fresh one. She tied the knot and ran her thumbs over it to smooth it down.

She turned to go but he grabbed her wrist, leaving his ribs screaming in his chest. "Stay with me please, Julia. I still owe you an explanation."

"Is this really the best…," she trailed off when she noticed he wasn't going to take no for an answer and sat across from him again. He waited until she was properly seated before beginning.

"When he jumped, I was happy. But then I remembered how he had a knack for this kind of thing; remembered how many times he faked his death before; all the times he has gotten away before and I couldn't let that happen again. He told me we had a special connection and I…I….Well, I don't know what I wanted to achieve but I just couldn't let him get away. I know it was stupid of me-"

"Yes it was," she told him and she stunned him into silence. She took a deep breath and continued. "I understand William but you nearly died. I know with what he put us through you would want to see him dead but to jump off a bridge?"

"Like I said, I know it was stupid and I know it must have seemed like I didn't care-"

Julia took his hand, not to comfort him but to try and coax him; she could see there was something he wasn't telling her. "William, what happened when Gillies said you had a special connection," she asked. He opened his mouth to ask her why she thought that but she answered before he had the chance. "You were going to say something but you changed the sentence."

"I had him pinned to the ground and he…he kissed me."

His voice had a tone of shame in it and he looked at her like he was…unclean or something. Murderous contempt flared inside her as she realised the whole new perspective this put on things. Gillies had blindsided him; he had kissed him knowing William would want answers; knowing he would jump. She couldn't comprehend the callousness that went with this.

"William that wasn't your fault. He was distracting you; he was making you want to follow him no matter what it meant."

"And I played right into his hands."

"William we all did," she said, sitting beside. "I wonder if it was meant to be this hard."

He shook his and the room fell into silence as the Canadian countryside rolled by. She looked at him from the corner of her eye and sighed. They were along a way from perfect but she had high hopes and they were just going to have to do for now.


End file.
